When I grow up I wanna be a child

'When I grow up I wanna be a child',my best friend used to say this to me....Ive never seen anyone who matured so fast for their age,as she did....and she thought I was quite immature for mine.....may be thats y we r the best of the pals even today :) :)......

....I wish to keep that naivity which people complain I do retain. It sometimes bothers me....but subconsciously its tantalizing....

And what grown ups r we if we havent retained our childhood within...or havent beheld the blankness of innocence...?

I remember how I admired every view in Philadelphia when I first came here....I was so happy for the advent of spring...and the first droplets of snow melting in my palm,brought the widest smile to my heart.

Today the familiarity has paved way for boredom...some ppl also say I hav matured over the past year.....well I'm part happy ,but somehwer I hav lost the innocence and heartfelt admiration that ignorance and so bliss, bring to the mind....

When I was a child I yearned to grow up and fit into my mom's clothes and now when Im growing...I so still wanna stay a child....and leave that fragrance of wonder thru my eyes..:)

Its been 1.5 yrs and all my life now

Feels like yesterday when the plane took off from India.... I held my breath,closed my eyes and tried to imagine what my future would be like......as far as I can remember, all I saw was a mixture of a million questions,insecurities and hopes backing it all.....

1.5 yrs hav gone by since I landed in US....its been as swift as a feather blown off the palm.....feels more like home here now....yet not completely....

I wudnt wish to be what I was 18 months ago...nor am I fully at peace with what I am....how funny the changes in life are...they keep us wanting to go back, but we are working to get ahead!

I see my room on the webcam in the background...I see my fathers aging forehead and hopeful eyes....I see my mother touching the screen to feel me...and I realise more that I need to get far and ahead.These are the moments which form the juice of a lifetime....

I dont regret for having lost the past, nor do I repent the changes I am casting into my future (at present)....I think life is beautiful. It shows me its nature in a million unthinkable ways. And I sit and think and think till I figure ....how insignificant I am in this marvellous jigsaw puzzle of God....

One summer day on the footpath

Its summer out here....simmering 40 deg centigrade heat. Yet another day at wrk, but a short one...my boss was at home fixing central air conditioner....hehe! God bless him...I left early from wrk!

Was walking to the shuttle stop...and lo! the bus just breezed across and I missd it...well, another 20 miniutes of time to kill b4 I get the next shuttle..I saw tanned fair backs, legs ...tall hunks and babes stancing by...enuff of it now..time to do something different!

I sit down by the footpath at the shuttlestop, get out my laptop......Bingo! I hav wireless net and I start playing my fav bollywood melodies loud (dint hav my head set damn!) and chatting a good friend..i think hardly nyone cared to notice....hehe! I almost thot," Dont I look like a begger,playing music on the road and sitting on the bare floor!??".... But no one even bothered to look...they wer all so busy striding by .... I dint care either!

Thats one thing I like bout US...thers so much freedom to be urself as long as u dont step on ur neighbour's foot....ppl just leave u. The cool breeze swept in like a mirage in the desert and I waited the for the shuttle hoping it wud be late ;)

the hiking xperience

Scorching heat was feeding on my sweat as we set out for river rafting with cartloads of energy...headed towards Poconos.we hired 2 cars...and we wer supposed to follow the former...but in due time...one of our pals had an unexpected notice for exam and we had to wait till he wound up...we lost our way and went to anothr rafting place looking at the wrong sign board


It so happened we missed the rafts....and sat all down en out...Kavi was like..."all happens for good' and enquired what else is available...unfortunately it was biking and we wudnt be allowed without license. We wer all moodout and screaming and ranting en ofcourse sweating...

We finally decided to hike...I was seeing my skin grow from pale to copper brown...and my hat was wet in my body salts...dear dear anjum was making a fool of herself and everyone...and we all set off gigglin and steamin off...

As we trudged on...we came across the sign board, "Shades of Death trail" and we walked into it right away...after 2.5 hours of trekking on the knife edge steep
rocks we finally reached a beautiful beach wher a huge lot of pplwer sunning en swimming...we all had a dip and felt refreshed...

Later we met the other lot who rafted...they had a good time too...5 hours of rafting...huh!

But we had our share of fun 2 and more than we asked for....the heat had died down and the clouds had risen to cast shdows and cool breeze on our burned skins...

In life we always get what we deserve more than what we desire...i hav no complaints!!

Kissed to childhood

On and off I have tripped in becoming a grown up....stumbling amidst boulders of ignorance and stepping on shoulders of maturity I have reached where I am...

Often I wonder what it wud like to be totally grown up...and be in control of me and my life ...?? hehe.....thats a wanderous wonderous thought for me...

Stung by youth and kissed by childhood, I am basking in imperfection...I like it this way.....

Part innocence....part perfection...life is a messy delicious cocktail of rich experiences ....lov u life!

One more fleeting thought

Was a hectic day yesterday...trying to wind up my Term-project. The project means more than grades to me....my area of core competancy...and the trails of my interest goes back to that moment where I decided that I would choose Biomed Engg as a way of my thinking....and life ofcourse

Being alone kindaa sucks...so I play movies or songs when I wrk...Watched 2 movies....Mrs Minivier and JFK. Both of them dealing with the war as an industry of power and revenue....and ofcourse license to kill and satisfy the wild aimless animal in us!

In one of the scenes in the former, the heroine says to her mom-in-law,'I'd rather lov my husband every moment he's alive and not cry, coz I know after he died in the war, ther wud be a lifetime for tears'.

The second movie JFK,dealt with the plot which lead to asssasination of Kennedy by some fanatics...who believed in war ... and not peace...and Kennedy probably dared to change the status quo...Well, the kindaa ppl who killed him soon after came to power...and likeminded-men still rule USA today....who promote wars to bring in revenue to the country..

All in all I felt lost thinking that the world is so shallow a place, and the apparent good is good-good.....I wonder if these ppl who abide by injustice survive the justice of the D-day or sleep peacefully in their grave.They who live by justifying selfishness....well, God waits and watches.....but truth triumphs and ppl with open eyes to their souls can see it