Desi America

Its been about 3 weeks since I have been visiting the gym after relocating to Sunnyvale. It is located close to our apartment and so different from the that at the University. I am used to hitting the university gym quite often. If I had to choose between playing squash or badminton or mere working out, it meant shifting between the basement and first floor . Here things are very different. I meet atleast one desi everyday .

On the first day of my gymming I had in mind the University facilities as I walked into my apartment gym. Atleast 25-30 machines and catering to all needs, etc.Here I saw only three machines. A stepper, a treadmill and a cycle. And the space for gym was less than 1/10th of the space allotted for work out in the university gym.Hmm...!

And then a lady walks in salwaar with chappals (with heels!). She has lived in the same apartment complex for three years. But she has not visited the gym until she developed high blood pressure. She kept asking me what each button meant. It was really not a bother! She was actually sweet and her chappals provided suitable music and rhythm for exercising. This was Desi number 1 at the gym.

On day six, there came another lady. She has also lived in the same apartment complex for about a year and a half. She did not ask me how to use the machines, but she kept telling on and off that she was not working because of her kids and that she had all the requisites to get a job. And it was her husband who asked her to stay home. Poor her....she should have spent all that energy in talking for stepping effectively. She promised to meet me same time everyday. I havent seen her since! This was Desi number 2 at the gym.

On day ten, there came another smart young lady. She smiled and dint talk much. She dint even ask me how to use the machines. But after her came her kid. And after the kid came its grandma. The grandma was trying to feed the baby delicious dhal chawal. All inside the gym! It was steaming hot and smelled good. It kind of made me go home 10 minutes earlier than planned and buy ingredients for dhal and cook it that day. This was Desi number 3 at the gym.


And after the sixteenth day , I decided to join 'Power Yoga' classes. The first class went on for 1.5 hours. Only one hour more than my regular schedule! At the end of 45 minutes I wanted to scream out loud- 'I need air'. In the entire 1.5 hours of Yoga at an elevated temperature, we were allowed fresh air only twice! And then I came home sore every-possible-where!

Havent been to Power Yoga since!

And now I continue to gym daily. There is another person I see everyday. I havent really spoken to him. I talk to his kid though. Because she likes me so much. She follows me everywhere. Even when I go to the rest room to geta tissue to wipe off the sweat. Sometimes she gets so close as to be touched by my foot as I cycle. So I have to kind of baby sit her as her father is busy on the stepper with headphones on! This was Desi number 4 at the gym.

I can go on but may be I should stop......All in all I am living in a Desi-America! Or atleast close to it.....

Savor the peace

Quiet Thursday morning. Don't know who takes the credit. Is it the luscious green airs of California or the stillness in my mind?

The new place we have moved into seems like a small nest and needs to be made a home. The footsteps I used to hear seem to have fallen in frequency. So also the noise around. In an unguarded moment, I sometimes miss the buzz of life at school in Philadelphia.

This part of Cali reminds me of Bangalore. In many ways. The weather, the people, their attitude towards life. Basically there is so much attached to silicon and savings!

I am glad to see that I am getting to explore many aspects of living I had never thought about. Its an easy life here, but that makes it more challenging.

Before I switch over to the noisy mode in every sense ..... wait a moment , till I savor the peace!

Part pained.....part relieved

My yahoo account seems 70% occupied. I start deleting emails......and it becomes harder as I get to the older ones. This process is taking me on the chariots of time back to the past. Reminds me of the days when I first landed in US and the struggle I had to put up to get here.

I must confess it was anything but easy. Today I am almost done with graduation requirements. It is still difficult to believe that its all over. May be the Convocation hat and gown will give the right feel.

All those priceless moments of freedom ,wisdom (....the fine line between compromising and learning to persist) , learning to toddle and walk on my own. And watching other people do it with me. The laughters and tears we shared, absolutely heart-out! It was worth it all ....... in many ways.

I found the real meaning of a 'friend' here. Far away from home. Here everything is your own choice and hence your own responsibility. Its very different being independent here.....than being so back home. At least for me. Many of my pals fit right in from day one. Guess they were already ahead in the rat race.

I must admit friends and hobbies are a big help in consuming ones time other than work (of course). There were times where I had one foot amidst people and the other between books. And then times where being lonely used to kill...!

The laptop has become as indispensable as the breath of air or the rising sun. And of course the 'Coffee cup'! I have formed an unbreakable bond with it. Every new task hard or small, was and continues to be preceded by that steaming cup of Coffee....

Now there is moving on.......and all over again. I wonder if it will be simpler or harder this time...or am I used to it? I really cant tell....

Current Mood: Part pained, part relieved.....but definitely running through memories!

The best Ash interview yet

by: Lata Khubchandani
- mid-day.com


Over the span of a decade, I’ve interviewed Aishwarya Rai on various facets of herself. Here I reproduce her take on herself which is interesting because it so closely matches what others say about her.

It shows that she doesn’t suffer from any great illusions about herself but neither is she being unduly modest.

Now that she enters a new phase of life, one can see that she probably will enjoy domesticity as much as she enjoys celebrityhood if she’s given a chance to play housewife.

It is amply clear that she gives her best shot to most things she does and one assumes she’ll do the same to her new role as wife and homemaker...

I was not perfect

I was not a terribly naughty child, rather, disciplined and normal. I always did my work and was a good student.

I was into most activities, academic and extra curricular. I learnt dance and music for five years and I love to sing and dance though I never had my arangetram.

I used to top in my studies and always took that for granted. I was a regular student, but not too perfect as people think, yet I wasn’t the sort who was punished or shaken up either.

Even as a child I enjoyed dancing and that’s why I find it easy now that I’m in films. As a child I used to follow mummy into the kitchen and I learned the basics of cooking just by watching her. So I can cook and sew and iron — things which people find boring.

I love ironing and stitching

I’m not one of these ‘Angrezi’ types who doesn’t know how to handle herself in the kitchen. I love ironing and stitching — I find these therapeutic, though I don’t get to do them much. I enjoy them.

I always had a lot of friends. I always loved music, to listen to and sing and till today if I’m free I’d switch on a music channel rather than anything else.

As a kid everyone called me a doll and raved about my looks but I never did think it was anything special. I always felt happier if I did well in my studies.

I was into most extra curricular activities in school; except for sports, I enjoyed most things.

After school I started modelling while still in my teens so that left little time for other things. I loved to dance and even before I modelled I had the sort of body language that models have.

I used to be teased for posing but truly it was very natural to me to walk with a swing or use my hands in a certain way.

While a student I was sure that I’d get into medicine because everything about science and the human body fascinated me.

But slowly, I realised that to like a subject and making it a career are two vastly different things.

I also enjoyed the arts so I got into architecture. I was earning quite early in life and my perceptions of life have been very adult so that has made me a sort of child woman quite early.

My interactions with people have always been on a very grounded level. I was good in academics and in other co-curricular activities too. Mostly because I did generally put my best into whatever I did.

As a child and a teenager I used to get a second look wherever I went but I’d got so used to this that I never really took it seriously.

The greatest high for me would be when I topped the class. Like I remember the greatest disappointment was when I didn’t top in the 10th standard after having become so used to getting a rank. It made me realise the value of it.

Life after winning Miss World

Miss World happened to me and I realised that I’m in exactly the correct profession. I take every experience as a learning experience and I’m enjoying acting very much.

Consciously and subconsciously I’ve adopted this mode — that of studentship. I think I’ve always been before my time, not only now but even as a teenager — my interactions with people, my wants and desires were all more mature than others my age — I was never frivolous.

I’m not saying I’m oh so drab and grey. I’m a dreamer but I can’t help it if I believe eight out of 10 times that I have been quite perceptive and God has given me that knack.

At times it seems that life would be a little easier if we were a little dim about things or a little blind so we could drift through life without seeing too much too clearly. I think it has something to do with ones upbringing and immediate surroundings and the sum total of all one’s experiences.

If acting hadn’t happened I’d have gone through life in a routine way but I’m glad acting did happen because I realise I’m not cut out for routine.

As I was a good student I’d immediately have enrolled for some professional course so that’s what my life would have been too.

My acting ability has actually helped me to keep some kind of a balance. And yet never have I felt like a failure — nor am I carried away by praise, adulation and success.

Audiences felt that my failure to make the box office tinkle was a sign of failure but I was willing to listen to constructive criticism always having been a willing student.

I was definitely listening — I was all ears but I was able to see the difference between constructive criticism and just brickbats — and I was able to discern, this thanks to the confidence of my directors and fans. I was already interacting with audiences because I was seen as a star due to my Miss World status.

I’ve been asked often how all the attention I get feels like, and I cannot deny that I’ve always had a lot of attention — perhaps that’s why it has worked as a boon. Instead of making me bigheaded — it’s worked in a contrary fashion in that I don’t feel anything at all.

I’m not conceited at all. Attention — the horizons of which cannot be gauged — it could be within the four walls of your house or your street, your city, your country your world - what you can only experience is those two eyes looking at you at any point of time. That could affect you adversely, positively or anyway. Now that attention I’ve had all my time. I know it’s there, I’m made aware of it, but I don’t necessarily experience it all the time. Except perhaps on stage. Right from childhood I’ve received that extra glance but honestly it’s never become an issue.

I’ve never understood why I’ve been called 'cold'

It may be that the image I present appears cold. Most people, once they’ve met me, do discard that opinion but I’ve decided that there must be something about me which makes people say I’m cold and mysterious and difficult to understand.

On the contrary, I’ve always loved being with people so there’s this ambivalence but instead of trying to decipher it, I’ve decided to sit back and enjoy it.

Dream or realization

There was a thick layer of fog between me and my goals. I shrieked for help. And then I found an arm......it stayed and made me smile...soon it went away. Then there was another one...it went away too and another one....and so on. And there were no more arms to hold on to .I had no choice but to go on.

'Hope and dream' speeches are mighty entertaining. But they don't provide an arm to a lost man trying to find his way. So I trashed them.

And then, I realized. I had the arms of God. I had them in the form of the two, swinging by my side, as a part of me. And so, I knew....I dint have to shriek for help!

Thoughts let loose.....

Soothing music plays in my head phones.....its about an hour to dawn. I am at another threshold in my life.....

People,places,events,grad school,wedlock......every term....every exam....every deadline....every day,every love,every cheer,every tear,every feat,every defeat....every challenge.Life definitely comes in chapters. So new....so beautiful, so enigmatic....so annoying. I wish I could hold on to it like the morning dew in the sockets of my palms...

Am caught between ideas, ideologies,present,past and future.....sometimes it gets very tiring. Dreams run beneath my eyes close en open, and every other second reality bites in....its not so simple.

Living is a search till you find yourself, you find happiness. Where does happiness lie then? In the means or the end?

Its snowing ....

Winter is here after all the dilly dallying. After it kept us waiting for thanks giving ,Christmas and even New year. It was so unlike Philly not be cold and chilly on these days.

There have been many light snow showers making it uniquely memorable. Reminds me of my first snow in philly. I had fallen straight into it after sliding on the wooden steps. I dint have the right snow shoes then. Now I tread the steps more carefully and enjoy every bit of the chilly breeze blocked partly by my jacket and muffler.

Beautiful as the sight is getting with snow, this time it is flightier. It feels best when u can see through the snow as it clearly cuddles into your palms.

I had so less time during my first year to think about the snow. It was more like,'Why does it ever snow?', because I felt most of it under my shoes when I was running between classes,labs and on campus jobs. Not to mention the oodles of snow which went inside my jacket and in my face (unexpectedly every time),when I was trying to stay away from my pals who were playing with snow. I somehow never realized my resolute to give it back to them (with interest).

Also that time when I posed for camera shots with me in my first snow. And later on realized that the camera had gone out of memory and efficiently displayed flashes only. Thanks to my roomie!

I can go on and on. Because its just not snow. There have been a million tags to it ,people,places and moments attached ....

%^&#$

It has been so long that thoughts have gotten to paper (or feelings on to keys?)....my inner voice seems to make meaningless babbles and I hear them fading away..

Painting emotions onto words makes little sense....as there is something more important always....

The child is angry because the woman is taking over....?#$&*!!

A Bride's eyeview

I am posting this blog for a friend of mine.... I wrote this post recalling how I had felt on the day of my wedding:

I see a new person in front of me. All glossy and smeared in a cake of makeup. Just 5 minutes to the wedding reception and I am unable to tell whether I look fine with the layers cream and powders going on my face. But I could tell that all those endless hours of bridal make up preparation sessions at Lakme seemed to make a difference.

I close my eyes securely in my sister's hands, who is giving me a final touch with the make up and jwellery.What would I do without her? With my grad school engagements,I had so less time and choice with all this! I slowly recall all the events over the past few weeks.

All the pain and efforts of innumerable people gone into prepping me for this day is slowly making sense. I feel blessed and humbled. The wedding has been a series of meaningful events and formalities. Another ocassion for people to meet and socialize to feel one.

Its never real till it happens.I open myself to a host of new relations and responsibilities now. Now my world is bigger and more divided isn't it?

I walk into the reception hall and search for my mom who is busy with the next set of arrangements. I give another look at my father,my sister , my in-laws and the man of my life. I feel reassured. (I have company....giggles!).

In the back of my mind are voices of people who have seen me out of the cradle into this day. Also the very few important people who have made a new connection for a lifetime .....

Its no more me.....its all of us form now on....smirk...smiles

When the child smiles...

It was a huge family gathering. There were so many faces I saw after several months or may be a year or two. Studying abroad has alienated me from the good and bad of getting embroiled in a joint family structure to a great extent. And with a reasonable excuse of being busy with Grad School.....fair enough!

The focus of attention this time was me and my new born nephew. His cryptic babble and seemingly meaningful syllables had lit the house with warmth and giggles. Everyone wanted to hold him and cuddle him. His soft fair cheeks and eyes lit with wonder and innocence were enough to melt the hardest of the hearts.

And people shared this particular part of the evening invariably. It was curious to watch how they forgot their inherent differences,frustrations and complaints which usually made itself obvious during these ocassions. They all shared pure love.

I never really thought verbal battles of hatred and ego can be won with one simple innocent smile. When the child smiles.....

Lost...

The rustle and stillness of leaves heralds the transition of Summer into Fall. With the tasks at hand, so very many people seem disconnected , yet I cant live without them.

Its a strange happy feeling when you belong all to the world, also when the world belongs to you. Its stranger when you belong all to something or someone alone, but you have no clue of the other side!

Current Mood: Amused, nostalgic, pained....lost...

Ash -warya Rai-ses

When I say Aishwarya Rai, I hear two words most commonly: beautiful or artificial. I dont disagree with both but personally I am an Aishwarya fan. I might be considered naive to be so openly expressing my views, but well...! People give me looks when I say I am an Ash fan (anti-gender bias!). I dont get those looks when I say I am a Kajol fan or a Tabu fan. Guess Ash is femininity personified and personified imeccably!

I admire Aishwarya. I like to describe her as a person who is smart,sharp and brilliant. As a businesswoman and a student/artist. But she reflects naiveness in many ways. Giggling away over the prestigious '60 minute' show or making statements like ,'Taj is prettier than me' cant be an 'I know it all' womanly act (which her contemporary Ms Sen carries off so very irresistably). This combination is a very luscious target for media people and critics.....And that explains it all.

Such beauty,power,sense of success and naiveness can only come with a price.

I recall the way she opened the Cannes Festival last year. Felt like it was a student on stage trying hard to get her lines right and did so very well.But I dont want to forget how her wardrobe at Cannes has matured from a thoughtless cacaphony of colors to that of class and elegance.

Her performances in the first few movies were no more than a treat to the eye only. But a woman with such commercial value/mould carrying off an off-stream 'Choker Bali' .... and seeming so effortlessly! it can but only be Aishwarya Rai.

The woman surely knows herself. Rising from 'A no-actress' to someone who made the world look at 'Bollywood' couldn't have been without self-confidence and determination.

Its hard to give a prognosis of her career path. In the worst case she would probably stagnate at the height of success and stay there or get better. For every situation she failed she has come out fine and refined. People willing to learn ,to learn to be resilient,......they never fail! Not even at the trough of the tide.

That seals it! ....I am an Ash fan.

Finger tips and Keys!

I love playing the keyboard. It kind of makes me feel I can create magic with my finger tips. I recall spending endless hours with the keyboard perfecting the tunes before performing on stage <....May be trying to experience a dejavu> . Then I would miss the feel of keys and try to run my fingers in the air......like I proudly played music in the air.

Today I feel my finger tips tapping the keyboard all the time. But the keys belong to my laptop or my cell phone. I can probably survive without calling home for a day or two. I would simply suffocate without my laptop.

Isnt this is a silicon world? Almost everybody is on a network. Accessible and reachable somehow. With memory space/bandwidth problem being tackled in endless ways all the time, thoughts and products are going online. Spending a day behined four walls without seeing the light of the sun is not an impossibility.

Where is this heading? With software giants ruling the corporate world and live bits reflecting the way of life... Is this a trade off between smartness and elements of life? Everything at the click of a mouse, sweating behind the gym walls and sampling your emotions through a sample space of smileys!! I never imagined that I had to choose my emotions from a list of emot-icons.

But I must admit there is so much more time for compressing distances and desires.
The world is noisier and closer knit today.Paradoxically we are more individualistic and independent. If not any thing else, this evolution and adaptation will be something I want to be watching till I am a part of it...

Its pure, its dawn , its music....

I can feel thin air splitting my wet hair. Dawn has never felt purer. The grim crimson skies are melting into bright and gay orange-yellow setting free the first rays of dawn.

I am listening to one of the compositions of my peers. The medley swings from Hindistani to Carnatic to Jazz. I can hear waters flowing in the background. The notes have trancsended me from where I am to where I never knew I could go.

As the waters build from gentle droplets to thickets of rain,the music gets wilder.The flowing voice sinks and soars to unimaginable bounds onto infinite degrees of freedom and madness. Effervescent with passion and composure, voices and instruments send pulses of joy through the senses and the soul.

Is it classic or classical? Who can deny that art is as much a realisation for the audience as much as it is for the artist....

Theyr graduating

There is this huge stadium filled with people chattering. More than half of 'em have a black gown on them. The sweltering Summer heat doesnt bog their spirits down. I see proud faces of parents and such faces galore. Its graduation day as usual and yet another milestone cleared for so many.

I wonder what its like to see your own kid grow up to acheieve something you always dreamed of. I have mostly seen it happen the other way round. The former is yet to happen from my perspective....

Children have a mind like that of a blank page and happen to be written into, by their surroundings and aspects of strong influence. Most certainly parents act as bars of reference.I have observed that a great percentage of where a person's character emerges from, depends on his thoughts and hence the nature of up bringing.

Having worked in the Neuro science department for quite sometime, living has become synonymous of learning,thoughts, execution and not to forget 'The Brain' in perspective for me.


So many of my peers around here are jumping companies, winding up grad school,dating,married, some planning to head back to India, and some have their head so deeply buried in their Laptop/PC that they cant perceive a world beyond.

Its funny how people take off from the same platform and perceive and make life differently everytime.

Why are weekend mornings so reflective? Is it me thinking or thoughts haunting me.....

breathless!

its been a productive day so far. my nerve ends jangling with work pressure though. guess its time for a break.

am listening to shankar mahadevan's breathless.sitting calmly and listening to him on headphones is such a deception to all the energy and passion his song is inducing in me.

i recall noticing him a couple of times during his early days,a little before he entered the spotlight of the glam world. his performances with zakir hussain and indo-jazz music team were memorable.a great veena player and fairly well versed in carnatic and hindustani classical.

he may not be rahmanic or RD burmanic as a trend setter in composing music, but he has class, freshness and style.

in live shows he is absolutely electrifying. an immensely rich vocalist.at one point it is hard to tell him from his song. he melts and blends into the song like he is pulsing its tunes and rythms.

im all breathless in absolute stillness!

Satttaday!

Its been quite a while since I woke up so early on a Saturday morning. Unable to decide whether its another week day or a weekend. I'm thankful for the sun's rays caressing my cheeks,hitting my eyes ,peeking into my soul and whispering,"Wake up, you have shut off the snooze 4 times already!!".

Well its so hard really , to wake up and get out. I'm blessed with a huge and wide window creating enigmatic patterns in the sky through the wildly swaying branches and opening its chest out into the open sky. What more this sight causes me to sing my heart out every day and thank God for the sunshine which wishes me a fresh and crisp'Good morning!'. Not that this really helps me get out of bed early at the first ring of the alarm.

Its the craziest thing to get up in the morning and listen to my-favorite list and scare a roomie who walks into my room ,half-awake, and I look like an apparition to her with all my hair-helter-skelter.It's fun ,just for kicks you know! And I'm sipping bed-tea provided by her. I'm so lucky God dropped her into my apartment.

I'm all smiles...what a weekend beginning. I'm sure the schedule next week is kind of getting my muscles active.I can seriously feel it. Ok! me out of bed.

Ufff oh!

Teeth chattering in -10 degrees and feet slipping on melting ice....mann...its winter .After all the deliberation its here finally..

Valentine's day seems to have overflown from 14 th on to several days...the street corner couples still seem to flaunt girlish pink and passionate red...

Just got over my back ache from skiing and snow tubing...the splintering snow flakes hitting my ears get me to smile. I dont think anyone ever hit the snow as many times with a thud in so short a time as I proudly claim to have!

I do feel the layers of adipose mounting gently reminding me of all those feasts on cheese I have had lately...I rem'r a coupla trips to the gym and several rainchecks...uff ohh!

Girlishh giggles keep surfacing between womanly smiles....looks like I am finally growing up..

Life is Happenin....Happhazard....and Happy....yap yap yap...:P

The Hardest Mile

I have about 6.5 Kgs on my back. The waist pouch has about a few hundred dollars along with my boarding pass to London and eventually Philly. A hand bag hangs on my left arm.

I walk five steps and halt and resume this pattern. The immigration checking never seems to get done. I find it hard to frame my family and loved ones waving to me from the the visitors section, since they are so far away and the queue is moving.

As I approach the Immigration desk all their expressive faces out there seem to disappear from the fairly readable to the illegible. My heart seems to be sinking into a bottomless well....like I am losing some part of me.

I want to be able to clear the Immigration check as soon as I can but I am trying to slow down that I may not lose sight of the people trying to catch sight of me standing on their toes and letting me know they are there for me, come what may.

Happy memories ring the bells of joy but the pains of departure pour in torrents.

The walk across the Immigration line has been the 'Hardest mile of my life'....

Bangalore as I perceive

Slurrrpp!! amazing crisp masala dosais, easily accessible and refreshing filter coffee, evening chat centers....this is 'Namma Bangaluru'.

Fly-overs, multiplexes, multi-ethnic clothes swarming the malls and style signatures made by pretty damsels all over MG Road and Commercial streets. The slow moving traffic has increased PQ--> Patience quotient among people although their HQ--> Health quotient seems to have deteriorated a bit.

Good ol' Bangalore is changing a part for good and part bad. After two long years when I just started merging with the colors on the canavas of Bangalore life , I hear about this terrorist attack in IISc. Gosh! I had worked here just a week ago. And I was probably travelling around IISc a little before the attack happened.

The rumours of serial/parallel blasts planned ofcourse have been revealed before hand. Thanks to all people involved in this effort.

The IT industry has made so much difference in clogging brain drain. I never imagined that it would be a major cause in the cross-over phenomenon. Well,non resident Indians, the merger of bollywood-hollywood spectra, and students going abroad for higher studies have made the world such a small place overriding intercltural, cross-continental barriers.

The magnitude of changes I am seeing never cease to amaze me. I still hope to think these changes will keep surprising me as pleasantly as they have been...